1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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