Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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