i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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