so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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