I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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