Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
