also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
