please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
where am i from again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
