Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
