Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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