You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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