seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
