It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
