HIV tests are more positive than that guy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
