and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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