First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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