Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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