A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
