I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my poor anus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
