This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
