He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
