Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
