dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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