Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
