hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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