i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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