okay pat passed out under dana's car
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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