i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
