In America we eat man semen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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