And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Small penises have feelings too.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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