I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
