You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
