you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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