Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
