Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
