I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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