Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
