Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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