There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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