think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
