Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
