Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize