we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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