would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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