Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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