If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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