Do you still have your period?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
