I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
