On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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