You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
