I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
