Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
