I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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