He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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