You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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