I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
