he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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