Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize