Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
