once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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