bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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