I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it because I queefed?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
