The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
