in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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