Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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