Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
