I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
