Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize