sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
